That Crazy VD

It’s valentine’s day and I’m single.

This is not an admission seeking pity. It is not a rebel yell to all those at dinner, or dancing, or peacefully cuddling on the couch. It is not a mopy moment meant to drain the brains of those who may think “why?” It is mere fact. A fact that carries certain social connotations and internal insecurities which I’m sure others have thought about over the course of the past week or final hours leading up to today.

In our culture, this is a moment of unstoppable force meets immovable object.

It is an inevitability. Like the first day of school. Like New Year’s Eve. Like whatever religious holiday you celebrate. Or national holiday you appreciate. Or your birthday whether it’s the excitement of turning 21 or the dread of 40. It is a construct and reminder that time is always moving.

Thus, our unstoppable force.

This day is somewhat different. Regardless of your thoughts: “it’s just another day on the calendar,” “it’s just a Hallmark holiday,” “it’s the bestest day of the year!” the day ties into one of the largest ongoing thoughts that most of us have about life: will I be alone?

It is an odd question asked at odd moments of our life. For instance, have you ever asked yourself that when you’re in a relationship? Knee deep in the honeymoon phase where even the grass seems more green and your favorite bar seems less smoky, do you pause and question that atmospheric goodness? Unlikely. Sometimes, sadly, it acts as a stubborn lynch pin when our relationships aren’t going well and we try to hang on because we think “being alone is far worst than what I have now.”

The question is most certain to arise when things are not well. Even after decades of marriage that question pops up, unexpectedly, an emotional abscess on our heart when our loved one comes down with a potentially lethal ailment. “What happens when they’re gone? What will I do?” No matter what the question is always there; only its placement between the forefront and subconscious of our minds vacillates.

And so we have our immovable object.

I’m not saying that the clash of these two titans automatically results in an undertaking of epic proportion, mental, romantic, or otherwise. It may be a small thought, a fleeting consideration, or quick shrug of the shoulder. If you aren’t single, today either sets off bells and alarms or is pleasantly greeted like a long lost friend. In couplehood, it can be a day to appreciate where you’re at and how you got there:

“I met her at the rodeo. I was flung from a bull into a pile of cowshit and she was the clown trying to distract the bull from gouging me.” Too cute.

Or it can be a day of reckoning for those unsettled issues the two of you may feel resulting in an unconscious double-blind taste-test of potential disaster.

“Will he remember that I don’t like roses?”

“Will she expect me to do something?”

“Oh my god, he (or she) got me a stuffed animal (or tie) for the 3rd (or 4th, or 5th) year in a row.”

When you’re single, you comparably do have a vast more amount of choices. Maybe this is the day you head out with your single friends and celebrate that freedom. Maybe this is the day you flip off the calendar and rally against the status quo and watch Mallrats while playing Call of Duty 3. Maybe this is the day when you take that small leap and give someone a piece of your heart, hoping they return the favor, or at least hoping they don’t jab a steak fork through it.

What do you make of today?

You could mope. You could celebrate. You could be as happily immune to the thought of alone as that Walt Disneyish couple I saw walk into a restaurant minutes before I wrote this. Single or not consider the following, easy, three step advice:

1. Cut a hole in the box.

2. Put your junk in the...

...whoops, sorry, that my sweetest day advice. Here’s the Valentine’s Day advice:

Whether you’re floating on cloud nine, canoodling with your lover, dancing the night away with friends, or quietly sitting at home, I want you to pause. Close your eyes. Think about being alone. Not to make you appreciate what you have (or long for what you don’t) but think about your solitary existence throughout your own life. I want you to think about simple facts:

By yourself, you once overcame a great fear.

By yourself, you once achieved a great dream.

By yourself, you once looked at yourself in the mirror and said “damn I’m hot.”

By yourself, you once tripped, and fell, and got up, and laughed for being human.

By yourself, you once heard your favorite band for the first time and smiled.

By yourself, you once created something in your way, in your style, and was proud of it.

By yourself, you once made someone else smile, in a good way, and they’ll never forget it.

Now open your eyes. See the world around you. Realize that today is Valentine’s Day and, as my friend Andrew West so eloquently put it, “was a day founded on orgies.” Orgies of course is the Greek word for “fantastic party and a day to celebrate the richness the of life because no matter who you’re with, or what bad befalls you, you always have yourself.”

I hope you enjoy today and appreciate all the good that you have done for yourself and others.

pb