Talking to the Departed

I will readily admit that I am not the most religious person in the world but I would say that I feel a sense of spirituality (and respect anyone's definition of those terms). I bring this up because this past weekend we completed staff and student leader training here at UW Oshkosh. Our keynote speaker was Toby Bares who works for our department and is also a successful men's soccer coach here at UWO.

Toby's speech was moving and very creative. As he candidly told us, while he brainstormed ideas for the speech he recalled a friend who had passed away a long time ago yet whom also had a big impact on Toby's life. Toby imagined what it would be like to 'channel' the words of his departed friend, as if his friend was present in the room addressing us instead of Toby doing so. I was truly moved by a speech that was both inspirational and light hearted as any reflection from a friend from heaven could be.

Loss is hard for all of us. Having someone be a big part of your life then one day not there often leaves us feeling empty and sad. Again, I applaud Toby for not only using his imagination to bring his friend close to our hearts as an audience, but also as an ongoing reminder to himself of someone who was truly special.

It gave me a new twist on an old idea. When I've lost someone, I've written them a letter, usually some time after their passing, as if they were simply away on a trip and I know I'd see them again eventually. The new twist is what would your friend, family member, whomever say if they could contact you right now and wanted to give you some good advice, or recall some funny and happy moments you've shared? What would they say? What if you did the same for a friend whom you haven't contacted in a while and just randomly lost touch with?

I believe that engaging ourselves in reminiscing is always good. Looking at old photos, letters, scrapbooks gives us a sense of depth to our lives and reminds us of the good people we've encountered. I think taking time to creatively write something we think a friend or loved one would say to us now after so many years of distance honors them, and gives us an opportunity to see how those people have lived on in our hearts. It also allows us a chance for some outside perspective while reflecting on our own life (sort of like a WWJD with friends in place of Jesus).

Despite not knowing Toby as well, nor knowing his friend at all, through Toby's heart and imagination there were moments on Saturday night where I felt as if his friend was speaking directly to us. And I thank both of them for sharing a part of themselves with others.

pb